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DIGITAL LIFE 101 / ASSESSMENT / DIGITAL LITERACY AND CITIZENSHIP IN A CONNECTED CULTURE / REV DATE 2015
www.commonsense.org | CREATIVE COMMONS: ATTRIBUTION-NONCOMMERCIAL-SHAREALIKE
“not as risky” to “very risky,” as reflected in the chart below:
Not As Risky
Very Risky
• Receive inappropriate spam through email and immediately send it to their junk mail
• Accept a friend request online from a stranger and receive a sexually explicit online
message thereafter, or joke around on a virtual world site and flirt with other avatars
• Seek companionship or friendship on an online chat room, and develop an ongoing,
risky relationship with a stranger
In the most extreme cases of online solicitation – those involving older adults and teens – targets are usually
aware of their solicitor’s true age and intentions. For the small percentage of teens who find themselves in this
kind of situation, simply warning them against “unwanted contact” is not an effective strategy because they
have likely grown to be comfortable with, and perhaps even dependent upon, their solicitor. Instead, we need
to help teens understand why it is risky to flirt with people they meet online, how to recognize warning signs,
and more broadly, why romantic relationships between teens and adults are unhealthy.
What Should Teens Know if Online Strangers Contact Them?
The term “grooming” is sometimes used to describe the process of an older adult coaxing a young person into
sexual situations. For cases involving children, grooming may involve befriending the child, showing interest
in his or her hobbies, exposing the child to sexually explicit material, and manipulating a child into a sexual
encounter (Lanning, 2010).
The term is less commonly used for cases between teens, or between a teen and a young adult. Research also
shows that teens who flirt and engage in online sexual talk with strangers – especially in chat rooms – are more
likely to be solicited for sex (Ybarra et al., 2007).
The number one thing for teens to remember is that they should avoid flirting with or regularly talking to online
strangers or online acquaintances, especially – but not only – if the person they are chatting with is older than
they are.
Teens should also reflect on these questions if they communicate with someone they meet online:
• Has this person asked to keep anything about our relationship a secret?
• Has this person hinted at or asked about anything sexual?
• Have I felt pressured or manipulated by this person?
• Do I feel true to myself – sticking to my values – when I communicate with this person?
If teens feel uncomfortable during a co
nversation with an online stranger, they should:
• Change it up. If something feels like it might be getting risky, it probably is. But if teens are not sure, they
should try changing the subject, making a joke, or saying they want to talk about something else. If they still
feel pressured or uncomfortable, they need to take further action.
• Log off or quit. Teens need to remember that at any time they can just stop typing and log off if a
conversation gets uncomfortable online. They can also take action to block or report another user, or create a
new account – whether for email, IM, or virtual world – to avoid contact with that person again.
• Know that it’s okay to feel embarrassed or confused. It’s not always easy to make sense of situations that
make teens uncomfortable online. Nor is it easy for them to ask for help if they feel embarrassed about what
they’ve experienced. They should know these feelings are normal.
• Talk to a friend or trusted adult. Teens should know that it’s okay to reach out. Even if they feel they can
handle a tricky situation alone, it’s always a good idea for teens to turn to friends, parents, teachers, coaches,