“fornication” means). Her case is taken to the Auckland
assembly, and after a hearing in which she is found guilty, she is
forced to confess, sobbing, before 500-600 solemn faces. But the
story has a strange twist – which I won’t spoil for the reader.
In the next chapter, Ngaire meets her future husband, Denis.
They marry in the 1960s during the church’s notorious “no
compromise” era in which the rules are tightened. Members are
not allowed to eat and drink with outsiders, and can not be part
of another association, such as a library. Even beloved pets are
deemed to be idols, and are destroyed, given away or just
disappear. There are rules for Ngaire too: she must limit her
conversation to 10% of her husband’s (which proves difficult as
he is generally silent).
Of value is Ngaire’s account of the bouts of “confession
madness” that swept through the church at this time. The priests
take on the role of religious police, examining people’s lives like
forensic investigators, dragging up rumours from decades past.
Members are forced to confess to sins real and imagined, and
encouraged to drink whiskey to prove they have nothing to hide.
Those who confess pay heavily. They are “shut up” (in effect
placed under house arrest) or “withdrawn from”
(excommunicated), and lose access to loved ones. Almost
inevitably, Ngaire (who has now had four children) and her
family are withdrawn from.
The family’s adjustment is massive. They are unused to their
new freedom and do not know how to act in normal society. The
two eldest sons end up in prison. (The boys love the prison
discipline, and when they earn a reduced sentence they choose to
stay instead.) Denis dies of liver cancer, and Ngaire goes to
University. Readers, especially those familiar with Fowler’s
stages of faith, will be interested in following Ngaire’s shifts in
faith throughout, as she ultimately finds the kingdom of heaven
within.
It is difficult not to like the author with her unpretentious
forgiving style. To be sure, there are some weaknesses in the
book. The structure is a little unpolished (some later sections
would be better as appendices), and there is a small printing error
on the inside cover. Also while the author answers many
questions, she invites even more. Why, for example, is the most
serious abuse limited to only a few passing sentences?
Nevertheless the book provides a valuable and absorbing
window into a religion that is for most of us inaccessible. As
religious autobiographies go, Behind Closed Doors may not have
the theological complexities of St Augustine’s Confessions, or
the mystical insights of Teresa of Avila’s Life, but there is