14 | MAZAL TOV
35. Before a decision is made to make the shidduch, each must
be convinced that the home will be run on the principles
can’t take responsibility to be involved in such an arrangement where the
blessings of Hashem are not guaranteed — Igros Kodesh Vol. 9 p. 111.
In the text of the Rebbe’s blessing for a shidduch, the Rebbe mentions the
concept of a “Binyan Adei Ad” — an everlasting edifice. In a number of places,
the Rebbe expands upon this theme and says that a building is only as strong as
its foundations. The external features of a building are not as important as its
foundations. The material from which the foundations are built has to be
durable and withstand wear and tear. Similarly in the creation of a marriage,
both in its physical and spiritual dimension, what will lead to a happy life and a
true Jewish home, is when the foundations of the home are Torah and mitzvos,
which throughout the generations have proven to be the best and most durable
foundation material. One may disregard the opinion of those onlookers who
do not understand the importance of such foundations. In fact, the most
important opinion when building a house that must be taken into
consideration, is that of the builder. He will tell you which material needs to be
used for a strong building. Similarly, Hashem, the architect of the marriage
relationship knows which elements are best for it to be everlasting.
This is particularly the case when establishing a chassidishe home which is
imbued with the inner warmth and light of chassidus as expounded by the
Rebbeim of Chabad in each generation and especially by the Rebbe. In fact
hiskashrus to the Rebbe — the extension of Moshe in each generation — is a sure
channel through which one may build this Binyan Adei Ad (see Toras Menachem
Vol. 2 p. 251.)
The intention here is that the chosson and kallah should accept upon
themselves Torah learning and mitzvah performance on a daily basis, and in
particular with middos tovos, middas hachassidus whose emphasis is Ahavas Yisroel
— see Igros Kodesh Vol. 7 p. 60, Vol. 10 p. 385, Vol. 4 p. 62, Vol. 13 p. 390, 466,
481, Likkutei Sichos Vol. 14 p. 307.
The Rebbe was not in favor of a shidduch in which the woman was not willing
to wear a sheitel. In many of those answers the Rebbe also explained the
difference between wearing a tichel (kerchief) and a sheitel in that a tichel can
easily be removed especially if she is embarrassed before friends etc., whereas a
sheitel one does not remove — see Igros Kodesh Vol. 9 p. 111, Vol. 10 p. 92, Vol. 11
p. 115, Vol. 18 p. 92, Vol. 15 p. 8, 198, 513, Vol. 10 p. 92.
On the subject of a sheitel, it must also be a kosher sheitel that covers all the
hair. Furthermore, at home where a tiche
l is worn, the tichel must cover all the
hair as required by Shulchan Aruch. In a certain Yechidus in which the Rebbe was
discussing hair covering with a kallah who only wished to partially cover her
hair after the wedding, the Rebbe asked her whether she only wanted partial
Nachas from her children?! See Mishnah Berurah Orach Chaim section 75 who
quotes the Zohar that full hair covering both outside and inside the home
brings tremendous blessings to the entire family.